Topic: Early-Onset Spinsterdom
Marcos: Well, well, well...if it isn't Lester "I was fucking John Travolta when Kelly Preston texted him she was going into labor" Brathwaite.
Lester: And if it isn't Marcos "I taught Ke$Ha everything she knows" Luevanos.
Marcos: What's the story, morning glory?
Lester: I'm good. Tired, but good.
Marcos: Were you out late last night?
Lester: Oh no, I got a lot of sleep. I'm just stoned.
Marcos: LOL! Well, I went out to this free cocktail party at this amazing restaurant last night. They brought my friend and I a table full of drinks to sample, so I was shitfaced by 8:30 p.m.
Lester: Sounds about right.
Marcos: Drunk in bed tonight. Early-onset spinsterdom. Will get a dog soon.
Marcos: That was my haiku for the evening.
Lester: I can see you with some sort of pet.
Lester: Don't you have enough bitch acquaintances though?
Marcos: Present company excluded, natch.
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Marcos: So, I invented this new thing.
Lester: Is it contagious?
Marcos: Let's hope so! Since I turned 26 and I'm no longer considered a twink, I don't have a category.
Lester: You're not old enough to be a daddy.
Marcos: I'm not big enough to be a bear.
Lester: You're not hairy enough to be a cub.
Marcos: I'm not muscular enough to be a jock.
Lester: You're not slippery enough to be an otter.
Marcos: I'm not gaunt enough to be a coyote.
Lester: What are you then?
Marcos: I'm a flamingo!
Lester: You're long, you're lean, you stand on one leg all the time.
Marcos: I'm attractive in an odd, goofy sort of way.
Lester: Not like a peacock.
Marcos: Which is basically an arrogant, stuck up bitch.
Lester: Well, if you're a flaming-ho, then I think I'm a platypus—an awkward anomaly no one wants anything to do with.
Marcos: Stick out that million dollar duck bill!
Topic: House Party
Lester: So, I'm thinking of throwing a house party.
Marcos: I fully support this idea, but only if you wear a Kid 'n Play wig.
Marcos: And you do Whitney's "sunglasses" dance.
Lester: No, I only do that with you.
Marcos: You better!
Lester: I haven't thrown a house party in ages. I'm so excited!
Marcos: I believe I had my original nose when you did.
Lester: Yeah, that was the one you blew off to have sex with some trashy brooklyn gay.
Marcos: Jesus Christ, how do you remember that? Your brain should be complete and total mush by now.
Lester: Isn't it though?
Marcos: Also, it wasn't just "some trashy Brooklyn gay" it was my then boyfriend. Second, you practically lived in Philadelphia. Third, I was desperate then, which I'm-
Lester: One, tomato/clamato. Two, it was Greenpoint. Three, LOL.
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I say this so often, it’s like I’m Tina Turner and it’s my Buddhist mantra.