January 2012
16 posts
“Can anyone tell me why I’m still watching “Glee”?”
– Me
December 2011
12 posts
Ways Horrible/Humorless People Respond To...
theidiotking:
“OKAYYYYYYY….“
“You’re WEIRD.”
“What are you smoking?” and/or “I want some of what YOU’RE on.”
<eye roll>
“Yeah… not so much.”
“Not sure what THAT was all about, but…”
“Riiiiiiiiiight.”
“Anywayyyyyyyyyyy…”
“Um, random much?”
“I never developed the social skills one needs to have a fun back and forth with someone, nor do I understand/know how to process humor, so...
Topic: New Year's Resolutions
Marcos: So, what are you planning for the New Year? Any resolutions I should know about?
Lester: You mean besides killing it? As in, literally bludgeoning the shit out of 2012 and laughing maniacally over its ravaged body?
Marcos: Yes.
Lester: I think I'll read more. You?
Marcos: I'm going to try and learn Spanish for the millionth time.
Lester: Give it up already, you're as white as Diane Keaton in every movie she's ever been in.
Marcos: Excuse me? I am VERY Mexican, muchas gracias!
Lester: You're as Mexican as Eva Longoria.
Marcos: How dare you! I will have you know that one of my Grandfathers died picking oranges in a field and the other was shot and killed in East L.A.
Lester: You don't get much more Mexican than that.
Marcos: I wish I was Eva Longoria. Then I'd be dating Penelope Cruz's brother, who is muy caliente. Plus, I'd be BFF's with Penelope and her BFF Salma Hayek who would invite me to hang with them, but secretly hate me and gossip behind my back when I leave.
Lester: Well, the answer is clear—kill Eva Longoria and assume her identity.
Marcos: My new New Year's resolution.
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
7 posts
“I hate writing. I love having written.”
– Dorothy Parker (via welovewriters)
I QUOTE THIS ALL THE TIME!
—Marcos
Topic: "Our First Gay Wedding"
Marcos: Alec and Brooks's wedding is in less than six months!
Lester: And I haven't even found an outfit yet!
Marcos: Really? I've already found mine, taken it to the tailor and picked out a matching hat.
Lester: I know, I'm slacking...
Marcos: I can't wait! This is our group's first gay wedding.
Lester: And let's be real, probably the last. At the rate we're all going, no one's getting married. For a while.
Marcos: I didn't want to say it...but I'm glad someone did.
Lester: And we're obviously going to take it over.
Marcos: Oh, obviously.
Lester: I might say fuck it and just wear a wedding gown.
Marcos: I could see us getting married later in life, though. Half as a joke, half to get a bunch of free shit.
Lester: Half out of just being tired of everyone and everything.
Marcos: I now pronounce you bitter and hateful.
Lester: You may now burn down this church.
The "Rules" for Wearing Flip-Flops →
As far as I’m concerned there’s only one rule regarding wearing flip-flops: don’t.
Jake Gyllenaal Shaves Beard
After less than two months of faking it for the cameras, Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have called it quits. And I say bravo — Jake looks so much better clean-shaven.
According to People, the “couple” broke up last month, though no reason was given for the split.
Really?
Well, I guess we have another sad, schmaltzy Taylor Swift break-up song to look forward to that will no...
December 2010
9 posts
Topic: "Topics"
Marcos: Can we talk about how everyone on dating sites are just looking for sex, while everyone on sex sites are just looking to date?
Lester: They're all full of shit.
Marcos: I just wish everyone would stay on their side of the internet.
Lester: Thank you! You can't have your cake and fuck it too.
Marcos: Right?
Lester: Meanwhile, this has "Topic" written all over it.
Marcos: You know what needs to happen? Barbara Walters has "The View." Julie Chen has "The Talk." I think it's about time Bravo has "Topics", a talk show starring our group of sassbag friends set around a mimosa-littered brunch table.
Lester: Talking shit.
Marcos: Basically.
Lester: "Welcome to 'Topics'! I'm your host, Lester Brathwaite."
Marcos: "And I'm your moderator, Marcos Luevanos"
Lester: "We wanted to do a show by drunk gays, for drunk gays."
WatchLester is totally my Gayle…except we actually are in a lesbian relationship.
November 2010
26 posts
The Breasts of Frankenstein
After taking to Yelp and Citysearch to voice dissatisfaction over their monstrous mammaries, several woman are now being sued by the very plastic surgeon who disfigured them. Cue flash of lightning and maniacal laughter.
A former patient of Dr. Jay Pensler claimed that he had given her “Frankenstein breasts,” while another likened her implants to something out of a Freddy Krueger movie.
Yet...
